It is Harmless Fun

It is harmless you say, a way to meet old friends and connect with people that are important to you. In a flash, you can get a quick update on what interesting people that you know are doing at this very moment. You can compare pop culture trends, comment on a Jean Luc Goddard film, and come to realize that Jimmy from high school has some pretty damn cool taste in music. Or you could just play seven degrees of Kevin Bacon with yourself. Damn, it is such a small world! If we are all connected, maybe we can end wars, feed Africa, and promote indie films and art!
Fuck you.
You are a bitch, and I am going to tell you exactly why.
Your behavior on Facebook is fucking infantile and vacuous. It is the same exact behavior exhibited by affluent teenage American girls- shallow, curt, and with a degree of zany color thrown in just for gags. It is virtual shopping. It is a tight little circle of similar tastes, fashion, opinions. It is gossip, and it is public for all to see. It reminds me of hanging out at the mall with my little girlfriends giggling about what Jimmy said about Suzy on her wall, and how wasted Sally looks in the photo that she was tagged in. It is a clique of the highest order, all uninvited outsiders be damned. You really only want to meet people through other people, just like real, perfect life. There will be no perverts keywording "Czech lesbians" and cruising for photos at random. No baby, not here. You get introduced through other friends or like-minded groups. Shit, there is even a suggestion panel, and an email search device that lets Facebook scour your Gmail account and harvest names of your future virtual best friends. The environment is so controlled, a perfect society- like the first year in college. Like an arranged marriage. Like prison. In a world where we are increasingly terrified of everything, Facebook is an oasis of calm and control in your scary, unpredictable universe.